Useless comparisons

"People have so very little there....and your contribution - just $10 - would help them have books, soccer balls, rugby balls, writing materials. Thank you for anything you can do."

After I read the email, the guilt grabbed me like a mugger in Central Park. I think I even blushed with shame. Young Benn, from the boss's office, off to the Andes to teach and give assistance at a school where children study from 6 am to midday, and then the remainder of the community (those who can and want to) arrive for "learning" during the afternoon. He is taking with him - you guessed it - books, deflated rugby and soccer balls, writing materials etc. My initial reaction was sadness for the lack experienced by those beautiful people on a daily basis. I wondered why Benn wasn't asking for donations for food as well, so I called him and asked.

"Well..." he was a little hesitant. "When I asked the World Vision people about that they assured me that food comes from other sources that they are co-ordinating, and that learning and leisure time activities are as much of a need as anything. They are not too badly off, considering they do produce a lot of their own meat and milk and stuff, and make their own clothing from the goats wool. They're pretty isolated though....so they don't get books and stuff up that far."

That started me thinking - sometimes, not a good thing. I thought about my own children - how much they do without because they are living with a single parent, who pays more than half of her take home pay in rent alone. Sometimes, we've had eggs on toast for 5 days in a row - with some cheap fruit from the Asian market down the road thrown in. Not a good variety of diet, but certainly nutritional. We were not at risk really, but I sure could have done with some meat, or milk, that week.... Then I thought about my daughter's sadness around her chosen subjects at school - she is desperate to be a performing artist and is exceptional (according to the teachers) at drama, and has a voice to stop a room. And presence. HUGE presence, and maturity - at 14 years of age. She is constantly put down and belittled though, by her music teacher, because she isn't learning music "outside of the classroom". Or having dance and drama lessons "extra-murally, which will put her back in comparison..." according to her report end of last term. That man I could cheerfully castrate - after being patronised and made to feel like a particularly uncaring parent when I called him for information.

At $250 a term, music lessons are just not possible for us - nor are dance lessons at $500 per term ($75 p.w. out of the family budget). A place to live, food, warmth, clothing, and basic school fees,unfortunately, are the first priority.

Sports, I thought, would be a good thing for her. I played all manner of sports as a kid right through high school - I can't remember it being expensive and my mother confirmed that it was all pretty much free of charge. I biked to practise and back, to games and back (or jumped on the rickety bus that went where I needed to be). She sometimes sewed any uniforms I needed for the occasion but otherwise, it was just good old shirts and a t shirt. Bare feet, even, for softball in primary school. No grandeur there. I was regional representative in netball in high school, and then later as a young adult, I represented my region at squash.

Alas, the research sunk us. $60 up front for the netball fees, $150 for the uniform (made, and sold, by the school for profit...), and then the petrol to take her to games every weekend - car maintenance. Squash then? Again, $60 for 4 weeks, a squash racket ($90 at the cheapest), white soled shoes ($20 at least), and squash court fees of $5 each time (X3 each week). One advantage - she could walk to and from the courts up the road. Having another daughter at home requiring support, jobless now thanks to a mental health problem and unable to pay board, the budget just aint gonna make it.

Supported Families Assistance!!! A brain wave! I called IRD to enquire - to be told that I qualified - possibly - for $3 dollars a week. I laughed (so did she) - and told her to save the money on the paper and wages and postage for the application form. It sure didn't seem a very cost-effective option to me as a tax payer myself if it was to cost more than I would receive to apply. She agreed.

I considered re-homing the dog and cat - they cost approx $5 p.w. to feed - and realised it would make us all miserable and still wouldn't get the sports/music/food option going.

The more I looked at options, the more I shut it out.....after first thinking that if I sold everything I owned and moved us all to the Andes, we might be able to enjoy (a) the incredible beauty of the Andes and its people (b) learning without the snob competitiveness factor and (c) some good ole fashioned sporting activities which would cost little or nothing but a bit of our energy and complete enjoyment. I scoffed at my own idealism - yea, and the military political situation that imposed its will upon the masses and had done for so long they no longer knew it could be different.

I dug into my wallet and gave Benn the $10 I had for my next 2 days' lunches. He thanked me profusely and assured me that my name would be in one of the books as being "donated by....".

I stopped feeling guilty almost at once...my stomach growled during the afternoon, until I got home and consumed an apple in record time.

I sat and looked out of the window of my bedroom that night - soaking in the Takapuna and car lights on the water of Sandy Bay - and thought how beautiful it was. I suddenly felt completely fortunate and happy. I have two beautiful daughters who are learning the meaning of challenge and what is truly important in life - simply being there for and with eachother, no matter what comes along to rock our little boat. My dog gazes adoringly at me - the cat purrs her complete delight at being able to curl up in the collie's fur for a few minutes (she is rarely still). The sound of my daughters singing with eachother spill from the cracks of the room downstairs - and my heart jumps its pleasure.

There is - and should be - no more than this.

Bon Voyage, young Benn - may you keep safe and learn about challenge, and what is truly important in life, wherever you are.