Old and new...

Today I met with an old friend whom I had not seen in many years - the one I was expelled from school with for playing with the bunsen burners at the Science Lab and setting the darn place on fire...*sigh*....So MANY other things they could have expelled us for, other than that - something actually accidental.

I was struck by how time slips away and how quickly it falls back again. I was full of nerves - concerned she would look younger, fitter, slimmer, just plain better than me - why do we care? When I examined it objectively (hah! yea right...) I decided that perhaps it is a self-esteem thing.....but I think my self-esteem is pretty good. Perhaps I should take note, and realise it isn't!

Lunch went well - she was as nervous as I was! - and although we reminisced, as you do, we caught up on our adult lives too....and I felt suddenly humbled. We go about our daily lives, situations, crises, we get through - we move on mostly. But watching her react to my quick synopsis of my history, and feeling her touch on my hand in sympathy for hard times shared, I felt connected to human beings like I haven't in a long time. Of course we ALL go about our business, our experiences, our pain, our joy - thinking of and immersing in them as though we are the only ones doing it - rarely understanding that the observer effect is in action. We feel our own pain because we experience it, just as others do. But we make assumptions of others from an observational perspective that must be - more often than not - wrong! The "Oh no, I've offended or upset that person in some way..!" may well be "That person is having a crisis, a problem in life, with kids/husband/partner/health/money just like me and isn't in the mood to smile". Compassionate empathy. I make an attempt to live by that standard, and to live with integrity - but I know I still do that reactive thing more often than I should. More often than I probably realise....! How often do I say to myself on a daily basis "NEVER make assumptions - about anything or anyone..." while I am in the actual process of doing just that?? It shames me, at times, my human frailty.

But today, I felt proud - and strong - and okay. Just by meeting an old friend who was human too - just like me. Thank you for you, my friend - and for recognising me again.

MEETING OLD FRIENDS:

Past tense washes over my conscious
As memories march past, saluting in my mind
Furious imagining race me to shore
As the "what ifs" build a staircase behind

Loosely shattered, then callously clear
Form a miracle of life suspended...
What's 31 years between friends?
....with our current assumptions upended...

Familiar tone and manner of speech
Wash away time in a downpour!
Treading carefully, a stranger presents
Mirrors my life without rancour

I notice the passage of time on her face
And that she, too, can see mine
Instantly, though, in a flurry of smiles
and giggles, the girls again shine

So - coffee'd and talk'd till our voices yawn
A history dredged up unfettered
Our farewells are said, our pleasures sensed
Our lives - separated - now bettered.