Not so old.....

In a soppy Easter mood, I pondered. Why do we love at all when most of the time it doesn't work out right? And how is it that some people just get it SO right and SO good that it brings tears to your eyes (of joy, of course...) when you see it? It doesn't seem to be about intelligence (emotional or otherwise), or money, or looks, or fame, or power...it just seems to happen perfectly and beautifully well to a select few. And they have the courage and care to continue working to make it stay beautiful, and dynamic, and true. Is it about trust? Faith? Hope? No - I think its much simpler than that - its about recognising. Feeling it, and going with it - with courage and courtesy.

Will I love the same man for the rest of my life, without ever being able to share that feeling with him? And if I am unable to share it, is it cowardice (fear of hurt/rejection) or is it courtesy that stops me doing so? If he doesn't care for me that way, then will sharing that feeling mean I lose him as a friend? If he does - would I lose my friend AND lover? On the plus side, I could GAIN a friend and a lover... But perhaps the risk of losing the friend outweighs everything....

I am happy to love this man, and hope the best for him, and to pray that he meets the "one" sometime soon, while he is able to be open to that. If I was the "one" surely he would know that? And have said something to me by now? But what if he is acting like me - from cowardice and courtesy - and we pass by eachother for all time? Would that be a crime against nature? Can I stand another like that in my life? What do I tell my children by being alone, loving someone from afar, and accepting that it is to be that way? I hope that they learn to be alone - and okay - and that having someone else to help them be who they are is not necessary. And then again - I am not sure I want them to feel like that - having someone beside you, to share the good and bad - has got to be a wonderous, beautiful thing.

Like an ever decreasing circle, I go round and round with this - until I get back to........I simply love. Does anything need to be DONE about it?



Wild Daisies (by Bub Bridger)



If you love me

Bring me flowers

Wild daisies

Clutched in your fist

Like a torch

No orchids or roses

Or carnations

No florist’s bow

Just daisies

Steal them

Risk your life for them

Up the sharp hills

In the teeth of the wind

If you love me

Bring me daisies

Wild daisies

That I will cram

In a bright vase

And marvel at