Never make assumptions.
Sunset on a blackened sky background, on the North Shore of Auckland. I am somewhat disgruntled today - and annoyed with myself for being so, and allowing something I know was intended to hurt me, to actually hurt me. Something ludicrous even! On reflection it WAS the intent, not the deed, that hurt. And I find myself examining my own actions for the reason someone would want to inflict bad energy in my direction.
Strange, how when others turn on us, we seek immediately to blame ourselves by looking at what we may have done to be "deserving" of such deeds. At such times, I will find reasons to make a way through the disquiet - sometimes pain - of such things. I have also found myself to be incorrect in my own summations at some point down the track when communications re-start and misunderstandings are settled. At such times, I envy men their ability to be completely up front, unoffended and game-less. I risk utter retribution by feminists of course, in saying so, but I have found that it is most often women who seek to manipulate and hurt others through intentional deeds. Women who have the ability to hurt people via actions and events that are seemingly harmless, so as not to be obvious to others during their period of "warfare" but only obvious to those who's intent it is that they be hurt. It should be laughed at and ignored - but being woman myself, I find...yes....I feel hurt. *smile* And I also know I shall survive and be just fine, thank you.
Rather than immerse myself in a discussion of the finer pointers, and otherwise, of both genders (and believe me, all human beings - male and female - are both fallible, infallible, imperfect, wonderful, talented, compassionate....etc!), I want to close with a brief summation of the teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements, based on Toltec philosophies. In a VERY summarised version, the following is the process by which I attempt to live:
1. Always be impeccable with your word. (in short, honesty, integrity, be reliable, walk the talk)
2. Never make assumptions (which of course is the subject of this blog...and speaks for itself - I am confident that my assumption of intended hurt will be challenged at some point in the future - she says hopefully...!)
3. Don't take anything personally (which of course is the sub-set of this blog - and I have decided not to do so - in spite of the initial hurt and judgement that I have chosen to pass....)
4. Never give up trying to do the above.
I LOVE that No. 4 is about ongoing self-forgiveness and a commitment to always continue to be better, develop, love, cease judgements...all the things I have experienced today - in my state of disgruntledness. The entire process is about forgiving others, also, and living by one's own values, no matter what. I strive for this, and I hope to find strength always to continue to do so.
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posted by KSG @ 1:23 AM
3 Comments:
I too envy men [as a group; obviously there are individual differences!] for their ability to shrug their shoulders and walk on. There are times when that would be a very useful tool!
I agree with your comment about instinctively blaming ourselves for what we've "done wrong". This is a particularly female trait, I believe, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. It shows a humbleness, a willingness to accept our own faults. Of course, it's not appropriate in every situation.
I definitely hear you about misreading people's intentions. I do that a lot and it causes me much unnecessary pain!
I like the Four Agreements - but they are deceptive. Sound easy, hard to do.
As a man , we do not always just shrug our shoulders...and self forgiveness is a VERY difficult thing to do and learn...My mother had a saying she cut out from a newspaper that said " 'To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.''....I read it MANY times growing up .....but never LEARNED how to utilize it until I was in my thirties, which is why number four is most important....well written, Peace out from New York City.
Anne-Marie - thank you for your feedback, and nice to meet you! I also envy men this ability to walk away! (though I don't envy their ability to keep a lot inside...I feel for them that this is the "culture" for so many of them in a modern society. And yes, the 4 agreements - they sound easy...but No. 4 is all forgiving and all knowing I feel. Allows us to keep trying and not give up! :-)
King NYH - nice to meet you also! And thanks for sharing that with me. I like that saying of your mother's and interestingly, one of my own mother's favourites was "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die". It wasn't till I got older, also, that I started to understand just how poignant this saying was....
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